


Quincunx Part Four

by pollybywater



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-18
Updated: 2002-07-18
Packaged: 2018-11-20 18:08:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollybywater/pseuds/pollybywater
Summary: Krycek has joined Mulder in an alternate universe in which things are very different.  Can they resolve what is between them and learn what Q wants them to know?





	Quincunx Part Four

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Quincunx Part Four

## Quincunx Part Four

#### by Polly Bywater

Spoilers: Assume most Krycek eps and anything to season eight. Archive: Oh, sure, just let me know  
Warnings: Part 4 contains explicit descriptions of m/m sex not recommended for minors or fundamentalists. Yes! Finally! Disclaimer: Chris Carter and 1013 Productions own the majority of the characters I've borrowed for this story. Paramount owns ST: TNG, but I still maintain, Q is his own entity. I make no money off this wee bit of fancy; it's a true labor of love. Notes: Gonna be hard to follow if ya didn't read parts one, two, and three. 

Chaos. 

It was the only word for the scene that ensued. Mulder, momentarily stunned, couldn't even process everything that was happening. Skinner was shaking Krycek by the collar like a pit bull with a cat in his jaws, still bellowing at the top of his lungs- something along the lines of 'have you lost your fucking mind you sorry son of a bitch'. Alex was running in from the kitchen, dogs hot on his heels and barking their heads off. Scully was yelling something nobody could hear, while a shocked Melissa had spotted Alex and was pulling on her husband's arm trying to get him to turn loose... and Krycek was balling up a fist that looked like oncoming death, which certainly matched the look in his eyes. 

It was that look that got Mulder off the floor. He didn't know he could move that fast, but he managed to grab Krycek's arm and deflect a punch that would have surely resulted in a fractured jaw for Skinner and broken fingers for Krycek, at the very least. As it was, Krycek landed a glancing blow to Skinner's chin that knocked the bigger man on his ass, and since he didn't release Krycek on his way down, Krycek ended up sprawled on top of Skinner. Mulder tumbled back to the floor beside them, Krycek trying to shake Mulder's grip loose. That new left hand was fastening itself around Skinner's throat and cutting off at least _some_ of the noise when the sound of a gunshot reverberated inside the house and froze everybody, including the dogs. 

Bits of plaster and sheetrock thudded to the floor and dusted the air as all eyes turned to Dana Scully, who was casually replacing her service pistol in her handbag. 

"That is quite enough," she said calmly, crossing her arms and giving Skinner, Krycek, and Mulder her best evil eye. It was extremely effective. "Alexei, please let Walter go, _now_ , and get your butt back on the sofa." 

Krycek shot her an equally evil look, but obeyed, silently rolling off Skinner and moving himself -and Mulder- to a sitting position on the couch, as ordered. 

"Walter, you can get up if you can control yourself," Scully added, exchanging an eye-rolling glance with her sister, who was chewing her bottom lip in an apparent effort to control _herself_. Walter dragged himself over to an easy chair, rubbed his chin as he seated himself, and cast his own wrathful stare in Mulder and Krycek's direction. 

The Rottweiller chose that moment to growl, and Scully fixed it with an acid blue glare that could have curdled milk. 

"Shut up," she said, and that was all. The Rottie lay down and crossed his front paws in front of him, putting his head down in evident shame. 

Mulder heard a muffled sound, and glanced over to see Alex in tears, hand over his mouth, laughing so hard his face was bright pink. He caught Mulder's eye and lost it, whooping helplessly as he walked up to his wife and knelt at her feet. 

"Goddamn, I worship you, woman, but did you have to shoot a fucking hole in the ceiling?" He gasped out, wiping his eyes. Skinner was looking from him to his unamused double on the sofa and shaking his head, which was the point at which Mulder started giggling. 

"Alex, I'll put one in you next if you don't stop laughing," Scully threatened, hardly able to keep a straight face herself. "Will you please go get Walter an ice pack for his chin? A bag of frozen peas will do." 

Alex was as quick to follow his wife's directions as the rest of them, Mulder noted, still grinning as Scully approached the sofa. 

"Alexei, let me see your hand." 

Krycek had by this time caught sight of Melissa. Mulder sobered quickly as he saw the color draining out of Krycek's face, leaning his shoulder into Krycek's. Scully sat at Krycek's other side, first examining his reddened knuckles, then simply holding his hand, adding her silent reassurance while Krycek subdued his reaction. 

Scully gave them all a moment to catch their breath, then made a few surreal introductions. 

"Alexei, my sister Melissa, and her husband, Walter. I take it you know them in your reality," she commented with an admirable lack of sarcasm. "Walter, Missy, this is Alexei, *Mulder's* Alexei... and Missy, this, obviously, is Mulder. I explained all this to both of you, remember?" 

Skinner worked his jaw back and forth a couple of times before he spoke, while Melissa merely nodded at them, her eyes sparkling with humor. 

"Sorry I attacked you. I thought- well, hell, you probably know what I thought," he muttered, and the pure unmitigated novelty of getting an apology from Walter Skinner, _any_ Walter Skinner, distracted Krycek from his shaken inspection of Scully's sister. 

"Yeah, we know what you thought, you big jackass," Alex said as he walked back in and handed Skinner the bag of peas. "Do you seriously think I'd cheat on your sister-in-law? You know what her percentage is on the shooting range." 

"Yeah, well, I didn't exactly expect to come in here and find those two necking on the sofa, after what Dana told us," Skinner held the frozen peas to his chin and remarked sourly. Mulder had to stifle a snicker when Krycek's ears turned red. 

"Scully, you gotta tell me one thing," Krycek murmured, and she turned towards him with an inquiring eyebrow. 

"Anything, Alexei. What do you want to know?" 

"You- you carry a gun to Mass?" Krycek asked in a strangled whisper, dissolving into his own fit of giggles when she answered "Of course." 

It was too much for Mulder and Scully, who collapsed beside him in stitches, the three of them holding each other up, barely. Melissa and Alex leaned their heads together and laughed, and even Skinner allowed a rumbling chuckle or two. 

They all pulled themselves together slowly, Krycek eventually turning to Skinner with an uncertain expression. 

"I- uh, I'm sorry I hit you," he offered quietly, and Skinner waved off his apology with an amused grin. 

"I deserved it. I'm just glad Mulder here got in the way. He hits harder than you do, Alex," Skinner said to his brother-in-law, who shook his head with a snort. 

"Our Alexei is one tough hombre, Walt. You got off easy with me." 

"Good lord, that's a frightening thought," Skinner complained, rising to his feet and holding out a hand to Krycek, who blinked at him in open astonishment. Mulder nudged Krycek, who hesitantly extended his hand for Skinner's brisk shake. Skinner then turned to Mulder and shook his hand, too, to Mulder's surprise. 

"I owe you an apology, too, for being such a hardass Friday. We just had to be sure." 

"I understand," Mulder replied, taken aback by the differences; not just between this Walter Skinner and the one he knew, but the change in this Skinner's attitude toward him. It occurred to Mulder that Skinner was probably relieved to learn Mulder wasn't going to cause problems for Scully's marriage... something Mulder was relieved about, himself, all things considered. 

Having apparently decided that was that, Skinner ambled off towards the kitchen, pulling Alex along after him and asking about lunch. Mulder wished he could be a fly on the wall to hear the conversation that was about to take place in the other room. The two dogs slinked out after them, leaving Mulder and Krycek under the Scully sisters' watchful eyes. 

"What happened Friday?" Krycek asked, interrupting Mulder's musings. 

"Oh, I woke up Friday in the plaza outside the Hoover with no idea of how I got here. When I went to the office, which by the way, looks completely different that the one at home, I was handcuffed and dragged to the lab. Scully took half my blood to prove I wasn't a clone," Mulder informed him with a well-played air of long-suffering. "You're the one who got off easy, since we all saw the alien bring you here." 

" _Easy_ ," Krycek let out an exasperated huff. "Maybe _you_ need the sedatives, Mulder." 

Melissa came over then and perched on the ottoman in front of Krycek, who regarded her much like a cobra observes a snake charmer. 

"I'm pleased to meet you, Alexei." 

"It's good to see you," he said in a low voice, eyes suddenly very bright. Melissa cocked her head, looked at his face, then nodded. 

"I'm not alive in your reality, am I," she concluded, slim fingers catching Krycek's chin when he would have ducked his head. "It's all right, you know. As long as I'm alive here, I'm not really dead there," she told him with a smile. 

Krycek tipped his head in the direction of the kitchen, and Skinner. 

"He makes you happy?" 

"Very, except when he's scuffling on the floor like a nine-year-old," Melissa teased. 

"I'm glad," Krycek said, allowing one of those full, beautiful smiles, the kind that just made Mulder's heart seize. It _was_ good to see Melissa, and Mulder wished for a moment that he was going to remember this, so he could tell his Scully all about it. 

Melissa patted them each on the shoulder and followed her husband out of the room. Mulder looked at the Dana Scully on Krycek's other side, not surprised to find her frowning at them. 

"Well, boys, I'm glad you're getting along... although I really hoped you'd sleep longer, Alexei," Dana commented. "I should have known you'd have the same fast metabolism Alex has when it comes to medications." 

"It's not metabolism, Scully, it's from exposure to the black oil," Krycek explained to her understanding nod. "It changes the way your liver and kidneys process chemicals, washes them out of your system faster. Christ, I should have died just from what I had to drink yesterday... If Alex is ever ill, really ill, you'll have to double his dosage and decrease the time between doses for it to do him any good." 

"I wish I'd known that a couple of years ago," she remarked rather grimly, glancing at Mulder for a moment. "Do you know why it has that effect, Alexei, and is there anything else I should know?" 

"I don't know why, exactly, although Consortium scientists theorized it was a natural, symbiotic side-effect of black oil possession... meant to keep the host bodies going longer. Alex will heal faster. He'll have a better chance of recovering from injuries that would kill other people... but he's not immortal. He won't grow back an amputated limb," Krycek told her, hands unconsciously curling into fists. Mulder put his own hand over those tense fingers and felt Krycek relax with a sigh. 

"How do you know this?" Mulder asked, carefully keeping his tone gentle, beating Scully to the punch for a change. 

"Let's just say I added test subject to my Consortium resume, along with thief, spy, betrayer and assassin," Krycek said bitterly and tried to pull his hand away from Mulder's. Mulder wouldn't let him, twining their fingers together. 

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Alex." 

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry too, about a lot of things," Krycek muttered, then took a deep breath. "Melissa and Walter _Skinner_?" He looked at Mulder, opened his mouth, closed it again, thought for a minute, then evidently decided what he wanted to say. 

"I know you told me this was an alternate reality, but I don't think I really _believed_ it until now... and in my wildest dreams I never would have imagined a universe where Walter Skinner and Alex Krycek were brothers-in-law. That's just... bizarre." 

"Ya think?" Mulder said sardonically. "Imagine _my_ reaction when I heard," he said, and Krycek grinned at him. 

"Shit, Mulder, if you could handle the idea of you and I being lovers, that should have been a piece of cake." 

"There's weird and then there's _weird_ , Alex," Mulder retorted, and caught Scully watching them with a satisfied gleam in her eyes. "You have something to add to this discussion, Mrs. Krycek?" He challenged, and felt Krycek jump before they all started giggling again. 

He was right. Some things were on a whole different level of weird. 

++++++++++++ 

Lunch turned into one of those things. 

Scully had literally ordered them to the table, insisting that 'Alexei' needed to eat, he was too thin. Mulder started to understand just how resilient Alex Krycek normally was, as the meal and the conversation progressed. In a marked contrast to the morning's tension filled, uncommunicative attitude, his rat was calm and even relaxed, at times volunteering a comment and replying to questions as they all sat around comparing current events between the two realities. 

"Monica who?" Skinner was asking, brown eyes wide behind his glasses following Mulder's explanation of _their_ president's impeachment. 

"Lewinsky," Krycek replied with visible amusement, waving off a second helping of Scully's meatloaf, which was finally getting the attention it deserved. "I guess that didn't happen here?" 

"Or Bill just didn't get caught." Skinner shook his head. "We had bigger fish to fry here while all that was going on, thank goodness. I would have hated to waste the Bureau's resources on investigating something like that while we were cleaning out the last of the Consortium." 

"Walter's the Director here," Alex explained to Krycek, who looked surprised. "Yeah, he's got the big fancy office, the official driver, thousands of agents to command, the president's ear..." 

"Terrible hours, people calling day and night, no vacation," Melissa put in, unobtrusively spooning out more mashed potatoes onto Mulder's and Krycek's plates. "No respect from the basement office," she added with a snicker for her brother-in-law. 

"Hey, we go pretty easy on him nowadays," Alex protested to Skinner's loud "Huh!". 

"That's right. You haven't lost a cell phone in almost three months," Scully remarked soothingly. 

"I did _not_ lose that last cell phone! I told you-" 

"Oh, yeah. That's the one the police psychic ruined with spectral energy or something," Skinner interrupted, and Mulder looked over at Alex sharply. 

"Harold Piller? Did you find Samantha here?" He asked, and Alex sank back in his seat and rubbed his face. 

"Yes we did," Alex replied slowly, obviously wishing this particular subject hadn't come up. Mulder became aware of Krycek's hand clutching his, and was grateful for it. 

"Let me remind you first that just because it happened here doesn't mean it happened the same way in your reality, Mulder," Alex began to Mulder's impatient nod. "Because of our association with the rebel aliens, we have genetic testing equipment that is probably more advanced than yours. We also have DNA records, confiscated from the Consortium, on just about everybody involved, as well as information from the rebel aliens concerning their role in certain events. You also need to understand that in some respects, the Colonists and the rebels are just like humans, in the sense that there are no clear-cut definitions within them between good guys and bad guys. There were Colonists sympathetic to humanity who would still do everything they could to destroy the rebellion. On the other hand, there were factions among the rebels who couldn't care less what happened to humanity as long as the Colonists were destroyed." 

"All right, Alex, enough with the build-up. What did you find out?" 

"Bill Mulder arranged to have Samantha Mulder abducted from the Mulder home when she was eight. She was taken by a faction of the rebel aliens who used her to pressure Spender into delaying Colonization-" 

"Pressure _Spender_! How was that supposed to-" 

"Both Fox and Samantha Mulder, in _this_ reality, were the biological children of C.G.B. Spender. Bill Mulder was sterile," Scully told him in that painfully gentle tone that said she was afraid of Mulder's reaction. 

Swallowing against his sudden nausea, Mulder looked at Krycek, who was anxiously chewing on his lower lip. 

"Is that- is that true in our reality? Do you know?" 

"I know Spender thought it was true," Krycek said in a low whisper, and Mulder closed his eyes, his stomach lurching. He pushed back from the table abruptly and fled the kitchen, Krycek right behind him. 

Mulder made it into the bathroom, fell to his knees beside the toilet, and puked up his toenails in a series of powerful spasms. Krycek held his head until he was finished, then flushed the evidence, wiped his face with a damp washcloth and helped him rinse his mouth, actions Mulder knew would amaze him when he didn't feel too damned wretched to consider them. Shaking, he let himself lean against Krycek, who rubbed his upper back in big, soothing circles. 

"Do you want to lie down?" 

"I need to hear the rest of it, Alex," Mulder insisted, and Krycek helped him stand, keeping a hand on Mulder's arm. 

"I know you do," Krycek sighed. "Come on, then." 

Scully was waiting outside the bathroom door, her eyes carefully searching Mulder's face. 

"Are you all right?" 

"Yeah, fine," Mulder said in a voice that was anything but. "Where's Alex?" 

"He's seeing Missy and Walter out, they're going home. They said to tell you both goodbye. Mulder, you're awfully pale. Why don't you go into the bedroom and lie down? Alex will be here in a minute, and he'll answer the rest of your questions... I know you have some," she added in a ruefully affectionate tone. 

"Everybody knows me so damned well, and _I_ don't know me at all, apparently!" Mulder snapped irritably, startled when Krycek yanked him around and got in his face. 

"That's bullshit, Mulder, and you know it. You're still the same person you've always been." 

Mulder glared at him, fists clenching involuntarily. Krycek glared right back at him, green eyes hard and bright. 

"Go ahead. Do it, if it will make you feel better. It won't be the first time, will it?" 

"Shit." 

He pulled free of Krycek's grip and rubbed his hands over his face and hair before his gaze was drawn irresistibly back to Krycek's. His rat wore that closed-in, tight expression that Mulder hated, but those eyes had gone sorrow dark. 

"No, it won't make me feel better, Alex. It never did, really," Mulder admitted, and held his hand out to Krycek, who took it speechlessly, twining their fingers together. "I don't know why that hit me so hard. It's not the first time I've heard that Spender- Spender is-" 

"Mulder, Spender's nothing but the irritating little grain of sand that gave rise to a beautiful pearl," the Alex from _this_ universe said as he came down the hall, surprising them all with this rather poetic turn of phrase. Krycek ducked his head to hide a grin that Mulder couldn't help but notice, and Mulder was taken aback to find he suddenly felt better for seeing it. 

"What's so funny about that?" He asked Krycek suspiciously. 

"Nothing, Mulder. It suits you," Krycek replied, attempting to contain his amusement. Mulder guessed what he was thinking. 

"Watch it, Krycek. The first time you call me 'pearl' I'm gonna have to kick your ass," Mulder growled, rewarded when Krycek turned that grin on him. 

"Oh, why kick it when you can spank it," Scully offered shamelessly, giving Mulder the pleasure of watching both Kryceks blush hot red. 

"Dana Katherine!" 

"I'm just trying to-" 

"I know what you're trying to do. Thanks," Mulder said, and gave her a one-armed hug. "I'm ready to hear the rest now, Alex." 

"We might as well sit down." Alex waved his wife ahead of him towards the living room, bending his head to whisper something in her ear that made her face flush pink. Mulder saw Scully pinch Alex firmly on the butt, and glanced at Krycek to catch his reaction to this by-play. Krycek was staring after the couple. The look on his face was frankly wistful until he realized Mulder was watching him. 

"What is it, Alex?" 

"It'll sound stupid," Krycek warned him, but answered anyway. "It's just- it's _nice_ being around them. It feels almost like- like having a family, Mulder. Somebody who cares about you, who makes you laugh. Notices when you're down and tries to pick you back up again. I had forgotten what that feels like... if I ever knew. I'm going to hate to go back." 

Krycek pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, but not before Mulder spotted a glittering tear clinging to those lush lashes. 

"I don't think it sounds stupid at all," Mulder murmured hoarsely, his own throat tight. He understood exactly what Krycek meant, and as much as he missed _his_ Scully, he wasn't looking forward to going back, either. They weren't even going to have the comfort of their memories, which was something Krycek didn't know yet, and Mulder made one of his unilateral decisions and vowed to keep that knowledge from Krycek. 

"Alex," he whispered, tugging on the fingers he was still gripping until Krycek turned to face him. "Hold me?" 

They wrapped each other up tight, Krycek weeping in earnest as he closed both arms around Mulder. Mulder's eyes were none too dry when he realized that some of Krycek's tears came from gratitude at being able to do just that. Mulder allowed himself to luxuriate in the sensations of being comforted, accepted, and needed, and tried his best to give back those same feelings to the man in his arms. Part of his mind wondered at how fast the situation had changed between them, and another part mourned the thought of losing what he'd found here- this oasis of care, so fleeting and insubstantial within the greater galactic scheme of things. 

It wasn't fair. 

Mulder pushed his nose into the side of Krycek's neck and inhaled unsteadily, imprinting his senses with warmth and smell and touch, hoping to engrave it all so deeply into his subconscious that he'd remember _something_ in the days to come... 

... and an unseen observer, who'd learned to value human emotions as much as his own omniscient memories, abruptly elected to alter the parameters of his little deal. Just a bit. 

+++++++++++++ 

The storm passed quickly, and Mulder ducked back into the bathroom, retrieving a damp cloth, which he used to wipe both their faces. 

"Okay?" He asked to Krycek's nod, and they steeled themselves for the next round of revelations, walking into the living room together. 

Scully, always thoughtful, had set out a saucer of saltines with a glass of what looked like ginger ale; for his stomach, Mulder assumed. She and Alex were cuddled together in one of the big easy chairs, their quiet conversation interrupted when Mulder and Krycek appeared. 

"Sorry," Mulder said, dropping into a corner of the sofa and unceremoniously pulling Krycek down to sit close to him. "We needed some time to decompress, I guess." 

"That's okay," Alex replied. "In fact, that's good. None of this is easy-" 

"I don't know," Krycek interrupted with a small grin. "Some of it has been surprisingly easy." 

"You aren't implying that *I'm* easy, are you, rat?" Mulder teased, giving in to a long-buried temptation and tickling those too-prominent ribs. Krycek convulsed against him, gasping. 

"Damn it, Mulder, cut that out!" 

" _Rat_?" Alex asked with a laugh as Mulder stopped tickling and Krycek settled back down with a retaliatory poke to Mulder's side. Mulder caught Krycek's hand and held it, leaning his head over to butt gently against the darker one beside him. 

"You want to explain it or you want me to?" 

"It's short for 'ratbastard'. One of the many lovely names Mulder's used to describe me over the years," Krycek said with a smirk. "It was usually accompanied by 'scum-sucking immoral murdering traitor', among other things." 

Scully's and Alex's eyes went wide. 

"Damn, you didn't have to add all that," Mulder said unhappily, and Krycek kissed his cheek in the same spot he'd been kissed upon once before, on another strange occasion. 

"It's all right, you already apologized. Besides, you don't know what I've called you. We're even, right?" Krycek reminded him a little anxiously, and Mulder smiled, remembering. 

"Yeah, we're even. I won't call you rat any more if it bothers you, though." 

"Nah, I kind of like it, _Fox_ ," Krycek informed him complacently. 

Mulder glanced over to find Alex watching them with a rather melancholy expression, and Scully watching Alex, her blue eyes faintly sad. 

"Alex, are you all right?" He had to ask. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just-" Alex sighed, and tightened his arms around his wife. "Don't misunderstand me. It's good, _really_ good to see the two of you together like this, but-" 

"You still miss your Fox," Krycek whispered, comprehension written all over his face. "Mulder told me you were lovers, but it was more than that. Oh, Scully, I'm-" 

"No, Alexei," Scully broke in. "That's one thing you never have to apologize for. Alex and I are very open with each other about his feelings for our Fox Mulder, and it doesn't bother me to talk about it. Your Mulder can vouch for that. Ask anything you want." 

" _My Mulder_." 

Krycek ducked his head and smiled, momentarily diverted by Scully's words, as Mulder himself was. When Krycek straightened to look at Alex, however, his mouth was set in a grim line. The question Krycek asked sent a bolt of pain through Mulder's chest, making him seriously wonder if he deserved this kind of devotion. 

"How did you live through losing him?" 

"Dana," Alex said simply, kissing that shining auburn hair. "First, she blackmailed me into surviving, then she gave me a reason to live." Scully smiled up at him, leaving no doubt in anybody's mind about her love for her husband. 

"Tell him how that happened," Mulder urged, thinking Samantha Mulder's story could wait in favor of something with a happy ending. He needed to hear one right now. 

So Alex related for Krycek the tale Mulder had already heard from Scully; how he and his Fox had been in love, their plans to destroy the Consortium, Fox's death, his threatened suicide, and Scully's response to that threat... at which point Krycek stared at Scully with no little awe. 

"Shit, you've got some solid brass ones, Scully!" Krycek exclaimed, then put his hand over his mouth and blushed furiously. 

"Yeah, she does," Alex said before Krycek could apologize. "You should have seen her going through those clone labs, wearing a kevlar vest and toting a big-ass M-16. She looked like Sigourney Weaver chasing aliens. She's fucking amazing, Alexei." 

It was Scully's turn to duck and blush, which she did very prettily, to the enjoyment of the men in the room. 

"How did you... fall in love?" Krycek asked, obviously, if somewhat unflatteringly, mystified. Mulder watched Scully and Alex grin at each other, the two of them kindly not setting the hook that Krycek almost landed himself on. 

"I was attracted to Alex the first time I met him, but he was so crazy in love with Mulder he didn't even notice," Scully teased her husband affectionately, while Mulder watched surprise move over Krycek's face. 

"You just can't see it, can you," he murmured in Krycek's ear. 

"Hell, no, not with _our_ Scully. She hates me as much as you do- did- whatever." 

"Definitely past tense, Alex, and as for Scully, she wouldn't if she knew what I know." 

"I think you're kidding yourself there, Mulder," Krycek replied, that little wrinkle appearing over his nose. Before Mulder could say anything else, Krycek turned back to Alex and Scully. 

"So when did it happen for you, 'lex?" 

Alex took a deep breath and gave Krycek a level stare. 

"This is hard for me to talk about. You're probably the one person who can really understand, because it was my time in the silo that changed the way I saw Dana. It changed the way I saw my entire life, actually. Between screaming my lungs out and trying to dig through the cement, I had a lot of time to think. Up until then, I didn't care if I lived or died. In fact, I thought I _wanted_ to die, but I stopped feeling that way when Spender tried to kill me by leaving me there. I got pissed off. I spent a lot of time being angry, then I started to hallucinate. What I saw and heard felt very real; people in my life commenting on the way I'd lived it. I heard from my parents, my friends, but mostly from Fox and Dana." 

Krycek was nodding, his eyes bleak. 

"You hallucinated, too?" Dana asked before Mulder could. "How long were you in there, Alexei? We estimated Alex was trapped for around ten days." 

"I don't- I've _never_ talked about this." Krycek inhaled on a long, shuddering sigh. "I guess it was somewhere around that. I'm not sure. There wasn't any way to count the days, and it was a week after I got out before I was in any condition to care. The hallucinations were intense, almost like being on a vision quest." 

"Christ, Alexei, you're a piece of work, you know it? You make it sound like it wasn't all bad being trapped in the silo," Alex said with a short laugh. 

Krycek shot him a strained half-smile. 

"It could have been worse. Spender could have killed us outright, and then where would your world be?" 

Alex lifted his chin, that trademark Krycek expression of challenge. 

"And where would yours be, Alexei? Your Fox and over half a million other people would be dead now, with no one who knew the truth still left to fight." 

Fuck, he was good, Mulder thought, watching while each word the Alex Krycek of this universe spoke washed through his double. Krycek gave his head a tiny shake, the corner of his mouth twitching. 

"You're a piece of work yourself, 'lex. You know it?" 

"I _do_ know it," Alex remarked, giving them all a self-satisfied grin. 

"What did your hallucination of me say to you?" Scully wondered, curious blue eyes fastened on her husband's face. "You've never talked about that with me." 

"You have to know what Fox said first. He told me about fifty times to stop grieving for him and get on with my life." Alex rubbed his palms up and down Scully's arms and nuzzled her hair. "He also said I needed to get my head out of my ass and look around me, that you loved me, and I'd be an idiot if I kept you waiting... but my hallucination of _you_ told me you'd wait as long as it took, that you were looking for me, and you'd find me. My faithful, honest Dana. As scared as I was, I knew that was true, because you have never once lied to me. Maybe it _was_ a vision quest. It all happened just like you and Fox said it would. I took my head out of my ass and looked around me, and there you were. Do you know I still remember the way the sun looked on your hair when we finally got out of there? So beautiful. I think I saw _you_ that day for the first time." 

Alex's voice had dropped to a register that was nearly hypnotic, husky and low, giving Mulder the definite impression that he had momentarily forgotten his audience. Certainly, Scully had. She turned in her husband's arms and laid the kind of kiss on him that usually led straight to the bedroom. 

The sight, for Mulder, was surreal; made even more so by Krycek's still warmth pressed against his side and the fact that hearing _that_ voice speaking in _that_ seductive tone had automatically hardened his cock. He glanced at Krycek's face, shaken to find it downcast, eyelashes like heavy curtains shuttering the younger man's gaze. 

"Alex?" He whispered almost soundlessly into that rather elvish ear, not missing the way Krycek shivered in reaction. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," Krycek whispered back. A blatant lie. Mulder couldn't let it pass. 

"Alex-" 

"It's _nothing_ , Mulder," Krycek said a bit louder, launching himself off the sofa and stalking over to the nearest window. He stared through it with an expression Mulder thought was reminiscent of the way tigers glared past the bars of their cages. 

"Alexei?" Scully and Alex were watching him now. Scully's face was anxious but Alex's was somber with acceptance. 

"I need out. Can I go out?" Krycek bit off the question like it hurt him to ask. 

"Of course you can go out, Alexei, you aren't a prisoner here, but it's not safe for you to be on the street. There are very strict anti-clone laws in this reality. If someone saw you and realized you weren't Alex-" 

"I don't need to go some _where_ , I just need out of the house," Krycek managed to explain in a tone that substituted very well for the tail he didn't have to lash back and forth. 

"Go out back, then, 'lexei," Alex told him quietly. Without another word Krycek wheeled around and vanished through the kitchen, the slam of the mudroom door following shortly thereafter. 

"What just happened?" Mulder asked. Alex rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. 

"You heard him. He needed _out_. It hits me like that, too, since the silo. You know, I had to spend six months 'integrating my experience' with a Bureau shrink, Mulder," Alex noted sarcastically, "and I still have episodes where I can't stand to be closed in. You heard what he said- he's _never_ talked about it... and I'm sure his hallucinations were nowhere near as pleasant as mine." 

"You did notice he managed to avoid talking about that," Scully pointed out, her gaze directed towards the kitchen and clearly worried. 

"Do you think he needs to talk about what happened to him?" Mulder wondered. Alex gave him a dirty look. 

"You're the psychologist, Mulder. Don't you? He'd say no, but we both know better. If the timeline between the realities is consistent, it's been what, four years? And he's still very affected by it. Give him a few more minutes, then go try. Ask him about his nightmares. Ask him what his hallucinations said. Get him to drain off some of what he feels about it." 

"Maybe _you_ should-" 

Alex didn't let Mulder go any further. 

"I can't. I'm not the person he needs to tell, and to be honest with you, I- Shit, this sounds so selfish, but I don't need his memories on top of my own. I still have nightmares about it, too." Alex pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, something Mulder was coming to recognize as a habitual gesture from both Kryceks. 

"Mulder, _you_ need to hear it, because you will never understand Alexei until you understand something about how that experience affected him," Scully added softly. Alex opened his eyes and looked a question at her that she answered for both men. 

"I told Mulder that the silo was one of the best things that could have happened to you, because it snapped you out of your grief and made you angry enough to want to live. That was a stupid thing for me to say. Being possessed by the oil alien and then trapped in the silo was the _worst_ thing that ever happened to you, Alex. It resulted in long-term psychological damage and led to fundamental personality changes. You said yourself it changed the way you saw your entire life. I'm sure that's all true for Alexei, as well, and he had no one to support him afterwards." 

"Dana-" 

"Don't say it. I've known you for almost ten years, Alex. I know you think watching Fox die was worse, and I expect Alexei would say losing his arm was worse, but I'm not wrong about this. Both those things, as tragic as they were, are normal _human_ experiences. People lose loved ones, people suffer traumatic amputations. There's nothing normal about being possessed by an alien life form then being confined with it... and you can't fool _me_ any more than Alexei could fool _you_ by trying to make it sound like 'it wasn't all bad'." 

"I never could fool you about anything. You always see right through me," Alex conceded with a shrug. 

"Wish I had that talent," Mulder muttered as he stood. There had been nothing _normal_ about the way Alex Krycek had lost his arm, but Mulder supposed that was irrelevant and kept it to himself. "Wish me luck." 

"You don't need luck, Mulder. Just don't let him bullshit you." 

"Yeah, right, Scully. Don't let Alex Krycek bullshit me." Mulder rolled his eyes. As much as he agreed, as a psychologist, with Scully's theory, she didn't know all the facts, and she didn't really _know_ his Alex Krycek. Of course, he didn't either, Mulder supposed regretfully, determined to change that, even if it was destined to be only temporary. Which reminded him. 

"I don't want him to know that Q said we wouldn't remember any of this," he told them firmly, and to his surprise, they both nodded their agreement without any arguments. 

"Mulder, keep in mind that deep down inside he wants to tell you about it. He wants to be understood," Alex supplied, and Mulder paused to look at him on his way out of the room. 

"Don't we all?" 

+++++++++++ 

Krycek was sitting cross-legged in the virtual center of the back yard, right hand smoothing the Rottweiller's fur and left hand carding through the lush grass. The lowering sun cast long shadows that lent his skin a pale glow against the darker colors around him, effectively hiding his expression as well. Aware of his unsettled mood, Mulder was careful to approach him from the side, plopping down to sit next to that restless left hand. The Rottie didn't react to Mulder's presence, and neither did Scully's dog, which was busily sniffing along the fence and ignoring the rest of the yard. 

It took Mulder a minute to realize Krycek wasn't going to allow a reaction to his presence either. He studied Krycek's still profile, absently admiring the tilt of that nose and the sweep of those thick eyelashes. 

"He finally quit growling at you, huh," he eventually remarked when Krycek didn't speak. 

"He's fine as long as Alex and I aren't in the same room together. I think he gets confused." 

"I know the feeling." Mulder said ruefully. 

"Are you referring to the situation we're in, or to me?" 

Well, that was direct, and two could play at that game. 

"You've _always_ confused me, Alex." 

"I guess I've worked at it, Mulder." 

"Fox. Or do you have to be stoned to say it?" 

Krycek looked at him then, eyes wide and surprised. 

"I didn't think you liked-" 

Mulder lifted his hand to Krycek's face, cupped his fingers along that slightly stubbled jaw and rubbed his thumb over Krycek's lower lip. He saw those eyes go even wider, watched the pupils begin to expand, and made his voice sound as serious as he felt. 

"I like it when you say it. Don't stop... and while you're at it, don't think, either," he ordered, guiding Krycek's mouth to meet his. 

Dragging his tongue over those silky lips, Mulder used his thumb to urge them apart, and dove in. No tender exploration this time, this kiss was intended to demonstrate possession and need, and Mulder poured everything into it that he had. Krycek met this onslaught with equal ferocity, matching him moan for moan, holding him by both shoulders in a grip that Mulder dimly thought might leave bruises. He didn't care. It didn't matter, nothing did. Nothing but this. 

The world moved, or he did, he wasn't sure. The only thing he knew was that hot mouth on his, and the ache in his groin that was abruptly matched as well, hardness meeting hardness as Krycek pressed him into the grass and covered him. Finally free to gratify a long-held ambition, Mulder ran his hands down that long back and seized a double handful of Krycek's ass, grinding their erections together. Even through layers of clothing, the sensation was unbelievably good, fueling a prickling heat that rushed all over his body. Krycek groaned down his throat, and Mulder felt his pulse rate jump in response, blood pounding in his ears. 

Krycek tore his mouth off Mulder's and filled his lungs with a gasping breath. 

"Jesus, Fox!" 

Mulder looked up into that face, feeling a sharp pang in his chest at the sight. Eyes gone night dark and shining with arousal, full lips rosy and moist... there was only one word that fit. It fell out of his mouth as he spoke his heart, independent of reason or self-protection. 

"Beautiful, Alex. You're so fucking beautiful. I love you. I think I've loved you all along, and I just couldn't see it under everything else." Please. Please, tell me you love me, too. Please let me hear you say it. Please, God, don't let me forget how this feels. 

As if he heard those silent appeals, Alex Krycek cradled Mulder's face in his hands, thumbs brushing away a pair of tears Mulder hadn't even realized had leaked free. Gazing intently into Mulder's eyes, he made his answer a solemn vow. 

"I've always loved you, Fox. I always will, no matter what." Pink lips curved into that perfect, joyous smile, the one that Mulder yearned to see again and again. "It just won't go away, you know?" 

Mulder smiled back, finally _getting_ it; what the Alex from this reality had said, what _his_ Alex was saying. The love was there, would always _be_ there, marrow-deep and as much a part of him now as his own soul. It had _always_ been there, probably from the moment he'd looked up from transcribing wiretaps and met the green eyes he was currently staring into. Even if these moments of recognition were taken from them, the feelings wouldn't stop. They never had. 

"Promise me you won't give up on me, Alex," he begged, threading his fingers through the silky hair of Krycek's head, holding them nose to nose. "Promise me." 

"Not in this lifetime, moy lyubov. I promise." 

"What does that mean?" Mulder almost whispered, caught in the pure devotion reflecting from those eyes. 

"My love," a kiss dropped on the corner of his mouth. "My love," a second tender salute, on the other corner. "Mine." Dead center, this time, a shy tongue slipping in to taste and stroke its mate. Mulder hummed low in his throat, loving the thrust and parry of this gentle invasion. It ended all too soon, but faced with another gorgeous, tremulous smile, Mulder couldn't find it in his heart to mind. 

"I think *you're* beautiful, Fox," Alex confided in the kind of hushed tone that sounded like he was passing along a state secret. Mulder considered arguing, having never thought of himself that way, but decided instead to just enjoy the little thrill the words gave him. 

"Tell me again," he demanded, rolling Alex beneath him and measuring their bodies together in an extravagant rub, delighting in the way Alex gasped and moaned. Unfortunately, the Rottweiller seemed to take Mulder's now dominant position as a signal to get involved. A warning growl interrupted their absorption with each other, and Alex was quick to spin them back over, muffling a laugh against the side of Mulder's neck. 

"Guess we know who _he_ thinks is supposed to be top dog," Alex teased, eyes bright when Mulder snickered. 

"You and he can hold onto that little illusion. I had a fifty-fifty deal in mind, myself." 

"Yeah?" Alex gave him a pleased smile. "I think I like that idea." 

"I can tell, baby," Mulder murmured, deliberately arching his pelvis and inducing another soft moan that he licked off those pretty lips. 

"I- I can't concentrate when you do that, Fox." 

"Dangerous thing to admit... and why do you need to?" 

"I can't remember." Alex frowned. Mulder grabbed his head, satisfying another temptation and kissing the wrinkle that appeared between his eyebrows. Alex pulled back to look at Mulder with surprise, and Mulder grinned. 

"I've always wanted to do that," he informed Alex casually, and watched the startled joy that answered his words. 

"Always?" 

"Since the first time I saw it. I guess that was about two minutes after you introduced yourself in the bullpen and I acted like such a jerk. I guess it's okay to tell you now that I was stunned stupid." 

"You hid it well," Alex said with a faint smile. "I thought you _were_ a jerk... the sexiest, most beautiful jerk I'd ever met. I wanted you before we even spoke. By the end of the day I'd started to realize how damned beautiful you are on the inside, too... so determined to find the truth at all costs. You blew me away, made me rethink everything I'd ever heard. By the time I shot Augustus Cole I would have done anything to protect you." 

"You really did see him holding a gun, didn't you." Mulder had always wondered if Alex had killed Cole just to silence him, or if it had been done from genuine fear for Mulder's life. 

"Yeah, I did, Fox. I really did. That- that upset me so much, when I realized he'd manipulated my mind. I was sick when I found out he was unarmed," Alex said with an involuntary shudder. "I hated that feeling, knowing I wasn't in control of my own mind." 

"It must have been worse when the oilien possessed you." 

Alex sighed, lifting himself off Mulder despite Mulder's muttered protest. He gave Mulder a hand up to a sitting position, and they exchanged a rueful glance as they both had to adjust the fit of their jeans for adequate comfort. 

A small breeze kicked up, and Alex reached to push his hair off his face, but Mulder beat him to it, hand lingering on a momentary caress. Alex caught Mulder's hand and pressed a kiss into the palm before letting their hands fall to the grass between them. 

"I don't think I can describe it. I was aware of what was happening, but I had no control. Not over _anything_. I couldn't even blink my own eyes. That flight- sitting beside you in that plane- I was screaming inside my mind the whole way. I was so fucking scared you were going to do something to piss it off and end up fried, and at the same time I was furious because you didn't even seem to _notice_." 

"I'm-" 

Alex shook his head sharply, cutting Mulder off. 

"Don't say it. You had no way to know." 

Mulder chewed on his bottom lip and decided to just go for it. 

"What was it like for you in the silo?" 

"They send you out here to ask me that?" Alex inquired with a smirk that Mulder was glad to see. 

"I want to know, Alex. Please." 

Alex turned a bit, taking Mulder's hand in both of his, running his thumbs along Mulder's fingers and staring intently at their joined hands. When he spoke, however, Mulder knew he was seeing something else entirely. His voice was detached and too calm. 

"When the oilien left me it was physically painful. I didn't just puke it up, you know, it came out of every orifice I have. The taste- the taste of the oil lingered, and worse than that was regaining control of my body and realizing I'd been abandoned. Locked in with it and its ship. The fear that it would get me again- I can't tell you what that was like. I used to think I would never feel fear like that again, that it had been burned out of me, then Tunguska happened." Alex gave a little snort, but Mulder knew better than to interrupt. "I think humans have a capacity for fear that's as great as our capacity for any other emotion. I kept hoping I'd stop feeling, especially when I got dehydrated... I'd pray for death... then the hallucinations started." 

He fell silent, and just as Mulder was about to prod with a question he took a deep breath and resumed talking. His tone reminded Mulder of an iced-over pond, its surface appearing so solid but threatening to crack under the slightest pressure. 

"They were irrational, Fox, and ugly. Like Alex, I saw a lot of people from my past. My father told me in great detail how disappointed he was in me. My mother would just weep. Spender- Spender was the worst, always going on about how I'd failed my assignment. A lot of threats about what he was going to do to you and Scully, and how close the two of you were getting and how much you hated me. How _everybody_ hated me, and I knew that was true. Bill Mul- Mulder would show up all- all covered in blood, asking me how I was going to protect you now. Melissa -the real one, not the clone- asked me why I hadn't saved her. She and I had entire conversations, me begging her to understand. Scully-" 

Alex's voice broke, and he raised one hand to cover his eyes. 

"I can't do this." 

"Yes, you can. Come on, baby. Finish it. Tell me the rest." Mulder knew it couldn't be good, and he was almost afraid to hear it. He tightened his own grip on Alex's other hand, willing them both the strength to get through this. 

"I'd see babies, red-haired babies with hazel eyes, and they'd cry and cry and tell me they were the babies Scully would have had if- if- she hadn't been abducted. Beautiful babies, _your_ babies, then their eyes would turn black and I'd know- you and Scully- were possessed by the black oil, and when it wasn't that, it was you alone. Holding- holding water and pouring it out in front of me, telling me I- I wasn't dying slowly enough, wasn't su- suffering enough for what I'd done-" 

"God, Alex!" Mulder couldn't take hearing any more. He hooked his free hand around the back of Alex's neck and drew them together, near enough for each to rest his head on the other's shoulder. "I'm sorry." 

"Fox, they were _hallucinations_. You weren't to blame." 

Mulder wasn't so sure about that. He'd paraded his hate so well that Alex's subconscious mind had no difficulty envisioning him behaving with absolute cruelty. It was a realization that made Mulder queasy. 

He swallowed down his nausea and cast about for a change of subject. 

"How did Spender find out about your feelings for me?" 

"Spender- Spender spied on _everybody_ , Fox. You know how many times he planted bugs in your apartment. He bugged Scully's apartment, the morgue, the basement office, Skinner's office and apartment... you should have seen him laugh about my night on the balcony. Christ, he got off on watching people." Alex pulled away from Mulder, drawing his knees up and resting his forehead on them. "He bugged my place, too, a lot more thoroughly than I realized at the time. I- uh, I'd go home after spending the day with you and I'd be- I'd have- I'd need some relief, and I wasn't as careful as I should have been about calling out your name during- Anyway, I guess I made it pretty obvious." 

Mulder withdrew his hand from Alex's, ignored the brief freeze his action produced, and set his fingers on a tense shoulder, massaging it absently. The mental picture of what Alex had described was firing his imagination, reminding him of the ache in his groin. Scooting closer to Alex's back, he gave a gentle tug, until Alex was leaning against his chest, then wrapped his arms around that lean form. 

"You weren't the only one doing that," he confessed quietly. "No wonder Spender set it up to make me think you were responsible for what happened to Scully." 

"In a way I was, Fox," Alex admitted, his voice shaking. "I can't lie to you about it. I don't ever want to lie to you again. I'm the one who confirmed you and Scully were still working the X-Files together, and I'm the one who suggested that Scully be removed, but I swear, I didn't mean for him to arrange what he did. I thought he'd have her transferred out of D.C. or something like that. I didn't know he- he'd hurt her. I tried to find her, and when I finally did, I made sure she got left at the hospital." 

He yanked himself out of Mulder's arms and started to rise, stopped short when Mulder tackled him into a tangle on the grass. The dog got alarmed and started growling again, and Alex pushed Mulder off him, placing himself between Mulder and the Rottweiller, which he grabbed by the collar. 

"Don't hit me while he's out here, he'll bite you! Let me put him in the house and you can take your best shot, Mulder." 

"I don't want to hit you, you goddamned idiot!" Mulder shouted exasperatedly. "I was trying to keep you from walking away from me. Do you remember telling me everything's not my fault all the time? It's not your fault either, Alex. It's that bastard Spender's fault. Do you think I can't see that?" 

"I- I thought-" 

"You've got to learn to have some faith in me, Alex." Mulder's tone was deliberately grim. "I know I've given you a lot of reasons to doubt me-" 

"No! It's not that! You don't- you don't _know_ everything that I've done! You won't-" 

"Won't what? Won't want you? Won't love you? Well, guess again, Krycek! If being a Consortium spy and shooting my father didn't kill my feelings for you, just what in the hell do you think will? Yeah, I've been angry with you for years. I apologized for that, remember? You accepted that apology! Were you lying _then_?" 

"Fox, _no_!" Alex cried out despairingly, and Mulder grabbed his free hand and dragged him towards the house. 

"Turn loose of that dog and come on." 

"What are you- where-" 

Mulder didn't answer until they got inside, pausing by the table in front of a startled Scully and Alex, who were pink-cheeked and trying very hard to pretend they hadn't been watching through the window. 

"Doubting Thomas and I are going to bed, where I'm going to _prove_ to him exactly how I feel. Don't expect to see us before morning," Mulder announced with an absolute lack of shame, ignoring the resultant fiery blush from his Alex. 

The other Alex grinned broadly. 

"Good for you, Mulder. There's nothing like an object lesson. You'll find everything you need in the bedside table. I put it in there after I saw the way you were rolling around in the grass. Dana and I will be going out to dinner. Don't worry about the neighbors, the house is well insulated. Besides, they're used to hearing- uh, enthusiastic noises over here." 

"Alex!" Scully's scandalized voice didn't drown out Krycek's embarrassed "God!" Mulder hid his amusement but spared a wink for his lover's double that his lover didn't see. 

"You'll be screaming that soon enough," Mulder promised over his shoulder and tugged a red-faced Alex Krycek out of the kitchen. 

Alex made him stop at the bathroom door. 

"I want to wash my hands," he insisted obstinately. 

"Good idea. Why don't we take a shower?" Mulder said agreeably, shepherding Alex into the bathroom and closing the door behind them. Alex gave him an uncertain look, and Mulder's heart suddenly quailed. Was he forcing Alex into something he didn't really want to do? It almost felt that way. 

"Alex, don't you want me?" 

Green eyes widened and went wet-bright. 

"Fox. Of course I do. I just want you to do this for the right reasons. You don't have to 'prove' _anything_ to me." 

That husky rasp shot straight to Mulder's balls, but not before he understood what was behind Alex's uncertainty. 

"Baby, it's for _all_ the right reasons," Mulder told Alex hoarsely, cupping his face in a pair of trembling hands. "I love you. I need you. I don't want to wait another minute before I show you how much. Please believe me. I don't want to see any more doubts in your beautiful eyes." 

Those 'beautiful eyes' squeezed shut, and when they opened, crystal tears were trickling freely from them. Still holding Alex's face, Mulder leaned forward and licked the saltwater off his skin, hearing the little stuttering breaths Alex took in reaction. Moving his mouth to catch them, too, Mulder shared the salt-sweet taste of those tears. He sighed with relief when he felt Alex's hands settle at his waist and burrow under his tee shirt, stroking sparks off the bare skin of his flanks. Every touch satisfied something inside him, and at the same time made this hunger so much worse; one of the more contradictory phenomena Mulder had ever been privileged to witness. 

"I do believe you, Fox," Alex whispered against his mouth. "I want you more than my own life." Carefully pulling Mulder's shirt up and off, Alex managed to separate their mouths for only an instant, returning for another kiss that was so reverent Mulder felt his own eyes sting. 

"Alex. Let me," Mulder murmured, removing Alex's shirt with the same gentle care, taking a moment to step back and look at him. He _was_ too thin, but it only served to emphasize the clean definition of his musculature. Rose-tan nipples adorned a smooth chest, and Mulder let his hands follow his eyes, rubbing his palms over that warm skin, feeling the nubs pebble under his touch. Alex's eyes clouded and darkened as Mulder explored, tracing the pale scars of past injuries and cataloging each sigh and shiver. 

He ran his hands over those upper arms, and felt a tremor in Alex that had nothing to do with passion. Catching a downturned chin in his left hand, he kept his right hand on Alex's left arm, forcing Alex to meet his gaze. 

"I'm glad, really glad for you that the alien gave you back your arm, but you need to know, it wouldn't have made any difference in how much I want you. It wasn't there in my dreams, Alex, or my fantasies." 

His words startled out a few more tears, and Alex gave him a rueful, watery grin. 

"Just so _you_ know, I've cried more today than I have since I was ten years old, Fox. It's what you do to me. You make me _feel_." 

"Kinda gets you right here, doesn't it?" Mulder asked whimsically, and flattened his palm over Alex's heart, feeling the strong pounding under that satin skin. Alex copied the gesture, nodding at Mulder with a genuine smile lighting his eyes. 

"Yeah. That's where you are, Fox." 

"God, I love you," Mulder said, deeply touched. Who knew Alex Krycek could be so damned _sweet_? Nothing about this was like any of his many fantasies had suggested. It was infinitely _better_ , because the emotions behind it were so plain and so pure. 

He moved in for another kiss, keeping it deliberately short since he was beginning to understand there really was a difference between making love and having sex... and while hot shower sex would be great, next time, what he wanted _this_ time, this _first_ time, was to get his Alex into a bed so he could worship properly. 

They toed off their borrowed tennis shoes and pulled off their socks in silence, balancing each other when necessary. Mulder stood still while Alex unfastened his jeans and drew them down and off, gasping when Alex knelt to nuzzle and lick the hard length of his erection. 

"Going commando, Fox? It's a good look for you," Alex mumbled into his balls, rapidly eroding Mulder's good intentions. "Christ, you're beautiful, moy lyubov. Perfect." 

"Alex, don't- stop- I want to see-" 

"Don't stop? I wasn't going to," Alex informed him with a sly grin just before swallowing Mulder whole. Mulder staggered back a step against the overwhelming sensations; found himself caught and held by strong hands kneading his ass while that talented mouth played expertly along his cock. The pressure built quickly, inexorably, surging through him in waves of ever-increasing pleasure, fueled by each stroke of that busy tongue. 

"God! Alex!" Mulder threw back his head and shouted, not giving a damn about the irony in his words or the loud thump his head made when it impacted the bathroom door. He didn't feel it; he couldn't feel anything except what Alex was doing to him, driving him right out of his mind. His fingers scratched along the wooden surface as he used his last shred of sanity to keep from grabbing at Alex's hair, unable to prevent the helpless motion of his hips, thrusting forward into the source of that expanding rapture. So close, balls drawn up to shoot. 

"Baby, gonna- oh god, oh god, oh god-" 

Alex took him to the root and hummed approval, and he wasn't close, he was _there_ , wailing out his release as it rocketed through him in a blinding rush of sheer bliss, barely aware that Alex was drinking him down. He turned inside out, lost all sense of reality, and would have collapsed in a heap on the floor but for Alex's firm hold. It took him a while to become aware of it, vision clearing to find that dark head pressed against his belly, arms wrapped around his thighs. 

He ran his fingers over Alex's soft hair. 

"My god, Alex. That was- you-" Shit, he couldn't even string together a coherent sentence. Talk about altering his consciousness... "Thank you." 

"No, love, thank _you_. You don't know how long I've wanted to do that," Alex murmured, his breath tickling the fine hairs next to his face. 

"Oh, yes, I do," Mulder assured him. "And I want to do so much more." 

"You will," Alex said comfortingly, hugging him close. "That was just to take the edge off. You don't doubt my ability to, uh, get you back up to speed, do you?" 

Mulder snickered, he couldn't help it. No, he didn't doubt Alex's skills in that direction, not after what had just happened. He felt the tingle of Alex's answering laugh huffed out over his skin, and he had no doubts whatsoever. 

"Shower now?" 

"Yeah, my hands smell like dog," Alex complained as he rose to his feet. 

"Kiss me. I want to taste myself on you." Mulder watched the demand go all over Alex, darkening his eyes as he offered his mouth. Mulder kissed him deeply, loving the flavor, and looking forward to tasting Alex's essence on his own tongue. When he pulled away, Alex was flushed and panting, and so beautiful it made his heart hurt. 

Mulder started the water, stopping Alex when the younger man began to undo his jeans. 

"Let me do that," he ordered, popping the button and sliding the zipper down slowly. Alex had gone commando too, he noted with an internal grin, pushing the jeans down those too-lean hips. A generous erection bobbed out to make his acquaintance, and Mulder laughed at himself when he realized he was salivating. 

Knowing if he got on his knees now the water would end up getting cold before they ever got into the shower, Mulder contented himself with a quick manual inspection. He hefted the weight of Alex's scrotum in one hand, used his other to wrap around that impressive length, and pumped slowly, fascinated by the shiny pearl of fluid that his efforts earned him. Alex groaned when he swiped it up on one fingertip and brought it to his mouth. The taste was just as good as he expected. He released Alex reluctantly. 

"Foooxxx-" 

Mulder almost relented at the sound of that cute little whine, but he really wanted to take his time. He hoped he'd be able to control himself long enough to do so. 

"Oh, no. You're not going to rush me. Shower first." 

"Christ. Fucking tease," Alex grumbled, but he was smiling as he stepped out of his jeans. Mulder stuck his hand in the water and adjusted it by feel, unable to tear his eyes off the other man as he stepped into oversized stall. 

"Turn around." 

"What?" 

Mulder reached out and made a spinning motion with one finger. 

"Turn around," he said again. Alex gave him a mystified look but shrugged and spun slowly about, and there it was, that perfect bubble butt. Not quite as round as it had been during their time as partners, but still exquisite. Mulder let out a satisfied sigh as Alex completed his turn, shaking his head. 

"Fox, you're strange." 

"You already knew that. Besides, there's nothing strange about me wanting to see your ass, Alex," he pointed out, amused by the faint blush that followed his words. Grabbing Alex's hand, he gently pulled his lover into the shower and closed the smoked glass door. 

"You know, I probably imagined doing something like this with you a million times," Mulder remarked conversationally, maneuvering Alex until the hot water beat down on the tense muscles of his upper back. Alex rolled his head, letting the heat relax him. 

"How did you handle having all these fantasies about me, Fox?" Alex asked curiously, his eyes on Mulder's. 

"I was angry with myself. Hated myself for being so weak. Hated you for making me feel that way- making me want you," Mulder admitted, tipping Alex's chin up when it would have ducked, keeping those eyes pinned on his. "Didn't you guess what was behind my insane behavior, baby? Every time I saw you, I was really fighting with myself. You just got hit with the fallout. Literally," he added with a frown. 

Alex smoothed his fingertips over Mulder's brow in an unspoken wish for Mulder to let that go. 

"I- I wondered. I hoped. For so long, I hoped... then when you went to Oregon with Skinner, and disappeared, I-" Alex closed his eyes for a moment. "I didn't know Spender was setting you up. I killed him, Fox." 

"I know, Alex. You told me this morning." 

"During my meltdown?" Alex snorted. "I'm not sorry I killed him. I'm just sorry I waited so long. How did you get away from-" 

"That alien, Q, the one who brought you here. He said he 'took me from rather unpleasant circumstances'. I don't remember. It's all a blank between seeing a bright light in the Oregon woods and then waking up here Friday." 

"Then I owe him for a lot more than this arm," Alex whispered, fingers trailing through the damp hair on Mulder's chest. 

"So do I," Mulder agreed, knowing it was true. 

He picked up the soap and one of those nylon scrubbies, working up a mass of suds that he painted along that smooth upper body, continuing down each arm and paying particular homage to those long fingers. Doing everything he could to spoil this man just a bit, aware of how ephemeral this time together was going to be. Alex seemed to sense his mood and stood quiescent, allowing Mulder to gratify his whims. 

He moved so he could wash Alex's back, using his hands, massaging the taut muscles along the spine until they loosened under his touch... exploring the swell of buttocks and the shadowy cleft between, until Alex could no longer stand still, gasping and squirming against him. Pressing close to Alex's slippery wet form, Mulder rubbed his renewed erection along the narrow valley of that ass, reaching around to hold Alex against him. 

"Fox, _please_ ," Alex begged in a sibilant moan, hands covering Mulder's and sliding one down his belly towards his cock. Mulder lightly traced his fingertips over the needy evidence of Alex's desire for him, hiding a smile when Alex groaned. 

"How close are you?" He asked unnecessarily, already well aware Alex was very close, indeed, feeling the anxious leap of that waiting flesh. 

"Mmm. If I tell you I'm not close at all, will you _touch_ me?" 

"Yes, but not here," Mulder decided, abruptly turning them both to rinse away the last of the soap. "I want you in bed, baby." 

"Oh, god, you're going to kill me." 

Mulder kissed away the exasperated little frown that accompanied that irritable conclusion, then smiled into those dilated eyes. 

"Yes, I am. I'm going to love you to death," he promised, waiting for an answering smile before he turned off the water and pulled them out of the shower. He dried himself hastily and took his time drying Alex, until the other man was a shivering wreck and barely able to stand. 

Heedless of whether their hosts had left the house or not, Mulder walked naked across the hall with his equally nude lover, who let out a muttered "Thank god" at the sight of the bed. Mulder did have the presence of mind to shut the bedroom door. Alex didn't hesitate, going right over to the bed and flinging the rumpled comforter to the foot. 

"How do you want me?" He asked Mulder, who made a lingering visual examination of the beautiful, aroused body standing in front of him, hoping to carve every detail into his mind. To have Alex Krycek like this, after all the years of pain and anger. Willing and wanting him, all defenses down and as vulnerable as the man could be. Mulder felt humbled. 

"How do I want you? Any way. Every way. For the rest of my life," he murmured, approaching Alex slowly. "How do _you_ want _me_ , Alex?" 

Those eyes watched him come near, becoming impossibly darker, black pupils crowding out the green. Alex's nostrils flared, and Mulder realized Alex was catching his scent. It struck some primordial chord, a surge of possessive greed welling up from deep inside him, making him sway. 

"Now," Alex virtually growled. "I want you _now_." 

Mulder was never very clear afterward about how they ended up on the bed. He just found himself horizontal, wrapped around Alex, ravaging that mouth while a pair of hands tangled painfully in his hair. A _good_ hurt, driving him on to mark Alex's throat with a series of sucking love bites that made his lover fight to get even closer, hips arching helplessly against his. Mulder deliberately shoved those hips away, controlling Alex's writhing attempts to bring their lower bodies back into contact, and lowered his mouth to nip and lick at one of those tempting nipples... and Alex, who had been fairly quiet up until now, was apparently pushed past his inhibitions. 

"Fox, goddamn it! Please! Ah, god, I can't- I need- Now!" 

And it had to be now. Mulder couldn't wait any longer, either. 

"Don't move!" He ordered, his hands shaking as he sat up and groped in the bedside table drawer, where true to his word, the Alex from this reality had placed condoms and lube. Mulder figured they could do without the condoms. Q had assured them that his Alex was perfectly healthy. Mulder knew _he_ was... and he was glad, so glad, that he was going to be able to feel Alex around him instead of a latex barrier. He retrieved the lube, turning back towards Alex and pausing once again to appreciate the view. 

"Beautiful." The word had never been more apt. Alex, staring at him hungrily, mouth swollen, skin flushed and sweat damp, adorned with Mulder's marks of passion... nipples tight, belly quivering, cock hard, blood dark and drooling. Mulder needed him more than he needed to breathe. 

He knelt between those sprawled thighs and carefully prepared his lover, refusing to be hurried, determined he was never going to hurt this man again. By the time he'd made it to three fingers, Alex was twisting against him and moaning continuously. He removed his fingers from that slick inner heat, a guttural Russian curse greeting this development. He might have laughed if he wasn't so near losing his self-control. 

"Fox-" 

"Yes, baby. Now. Lift your hips." 

Mulder stuffed a pillow under Alex's butt and greased himself, biting his lip as he worked the crown of his cock past that tight ring of muscle. Spurred by Alex's incoherent pleading, he grabbed those hips in his hands and drove in, a long sure stroke that made Alex wail out his name. Hot silk clung to him, enveloped him, throbbed around him, threatening to steal his sanity. 

Perfect, fucking perfect, and all mine, he thought dimly, sensing this truth in some basic, elemental way, knowing the converse was equally true. He would belong to Alex until the day he died. 

"Hold still," Mulder whispered, too near the edge. Alex struggled to obey, motionless except for the tiny internal contractions he couldn't prevent, almost sobbing with the effort. 

"So good, baby. So damned good." 

"Need you, Fox." 

Alex reached for him. Mulder gingerly rearranged himself to sink into that embrace, sliding his hands beneath Alex's shoulders to hold on. Close enough for a kiss that smothered their groans, overwhelmed at the pleasure of being buried as deep in Alex as he could get. Mulder waited for a moment then started to move, feeling Alex move with him. Alex's trapped erection rubbed against his belly, adding to the devastating sensations. 

Their mouths separated for air. Alex's eyes fastened on Mulder's, startled wonder in their depths. 

"Sweet- Jesus, Fox, that's- I didn't _know_ ," he gasped. 

Mulder froze. Was Alex saying he'd never- 

"God, don't _stop_!" Alex cried out, rocking into him desperately, and Mulder's brain shut off. Instinct took over, obliterating all but his need to possess, a spiraling fire consuming all reason. Mulder shifted position without knowing it, freeing himself to claim Alex in a flurry of hard strokes. Alex met his every thrust, hands on his ass and heels digging into his thighs forcing him even deeper, urging him on with a rambling stream of entreaties that Mulder could scarcely hear over the roaring in his ears. The tension flamed even higher, blinding him, and he'd never felt it like this. Never this huge... 

He slipped one hand between their sweat slick bodies, wrapping his fingers around Alex's cock, and Alex shattered, screaming, convulsing beneath him- _around him_ -tearing his own climax out of him in an explosion of such sudden, soul-sundering ecstasy that his consciousness grayed out, then went black. 

+++++++++++ 

It was feeling his cock slip out of Alex's body that roused Mulder. He lay drifting and thoughtless on his living mattress for long minutes before he finally summoned the energy to move, levering up on his elbows. Alex was out, eyes closed and motionless, his breathing shallow but regular. 

Mulder wasn't surprised. 

He blinked a few times and tried to order his mind, which insisted on gibbering around in circles; all centered on what had just happened and the man lying senseless beneath him. He replayed every detail he could remember, and wondered at how he'd never experienced _anything_ like this before... like colliding stars, creating energy that was its own force of nature. Incredible. There were none of the usual concerns about whether it had been as good for his partner as it had been for him. No crawling sense of unease, no need to get away. Nothing but an efferent peace, some kind of physiological syzygy in action. 

That thought made Mulder smile. All his planets were in alignment. 

He managed to get up and padded across the hall, where he emptied his bladder and cleaned himself- not without first tasting the remnants of his lover's sweet seed. Fetching a warm damp cloth, he returned to bed and carefully washed Alex, who didn't budge. He wasn't concerned, given everything the younger man had been through today. 

Still smiling, Mulder retrieved the comforter and settled himself close to Alex, resting his head so he could listen to that strong heart beat, still hearing Alex say 'That's where you are, Fox'. 

That's where he wanted to stay. Now. Always. 

His smile faded as he was reminded he had no idea how long 'now' was going to last. 

It could all be taken away from them, in the snap of a finger... 

End Part Four  
18 July 2002 

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If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Polly Bywater 


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